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Conscious Discipline Consequences: FAQs and Common Scenarios

This is Part Three of a three-part collection on Conscious Discipline penalties. When you missed it, make amends for Half One and Half Two.

In Part One in every of this collection, we discussed constructing a foundation of safety, connection, and very important expertise before consequences may be efficient. In Part Two, we shared the three kinds of consequences, along with recommendations on how and when to deliver them.

Despite these explanations and ideas, we perceive that Conscious Discipline consequences may be troublesome to master. Utilizing penalties successfully requires you to shift your mindset, which is not any straightforward process. It also requires you to study new expertise, as a result of you possibly can’t train a toddler a talent that you simply don’t possess your self.

In Part Three, we’ve created a simple to know guide designed that will help you put the knowledge in Elements One and Two into apply. Read on for answers to often requested questions, plus helpful examples of how you can handle widespread self-discipline situations the Conscious Discipline method.

Often Asked Questions About Conscious Discipline Consequences

Listed here are solutions to a number of the consequence-related questions we hear most often.

Does Conscious Discipline have consequences?

Sure. Conscious Discipline makes use of efficient penalties by first building a foundation of security, connection, and educating missing expertise. “Consequences” is the last chapter in the Conscious Discipline e-book because it requires the previous six expertise to be efficient.

This basis permits youngsters to really study from consequences, fostering permanent conduct change. Study more about this important foundation in Half Considered one of this collection.

Why do the same youngsters end up with the identical consequences over and over?

Most people have confused consequences with punishments. So you will notice the same youngsters receiving the same punishments over and over or receiving intensified punishments. This isn’t as a result of these youngsters are dangerous, cussed, or unintelligent.  It’s because we’ve not clearly understood tips on how to deliver effective penalties.

For a logical consequence to work, it have to be utilized to a related youngster who already possesses the specified talent. The identical youngsters receive the same punishment once more and again as a result of they’re disconnected (“I don’t care”) or lack the wanted expertise to be successful.

Conscious Discipline disrupts this cycle by empowering adults to first connect with youngsters, then coach youngsters with the new talent(s) wanted by means of administering natural consequences. Then, once you introduce a logical consequence, it is going to be efficient.

So, Conscious Discipline may also help adults make youngsters behave?

No. Conscious Discipline teaches adults to assist youngsters achieve success, which leads to changed conduct. In case your intent is to make youngsters behave, your efforts shall be ineffective. Conscious Discipline provides you the talents to shift your intention to “helping children be successful.”


All conduct is a type of communication. As an alternative of seeing dangerous conduct as a sign that a baby is inherently dangerous, you’ll study to see conduct as an indication that the kid is missing a talent. As an alternative of making an attempt to regulate the state of affairs or control the child, you’ll study to show the kid the talent that she or he is lacking.


You will also help the kid mirror on the influence of their decisions on themselves and others and take duty for their actions.

How do I do know when a toddler needs more safety and/or connection?

When a toddler continues to repeat the same conduct, we should consider: Is the child lacking a talent? Does the child really feel unsafe? Does the kid really feel disconnected?

Usually, youngsters who repeatedly exhibit physical behaviors (hitting, poking, throwing gadgets, and so forth.) want security. They don’t seem to be capable of reply the question, “Am I safe?” with a powerful, “Yes!” Improve their sense of security with the acronym NARCS:

Youngsters who interact in energy struggles or exhibit “attention-seeking” behaviors are in search of connection. They can’t answer the question, “Am I loved?” with a powerful, “Yes!” Construct connection using the acronym REJECT:

  • Rituals for connection
  • Encouragement for any success, nevertheless small
  • Jobs and opportunities to be of service to others
  • Empathy when experiencing upset
  • Decisions to offer focus in overwhelming conditions (supply two constructive decisions)
  • The Faculty Household– and coaching to assist them develop into an integral a part of this household

When a toddler feels protected and beloved, the kid is prepared to build new expertise and study from penalties.

Once youngsters are protected, related, and have the talents, how do I give a consequence?

There are three varieties of consequences: pure, logical, and problem-solving:

  • Pure: Require no prearranged adult planning or control; are probably the most powerful motivator for youngsters to study a new talent. In this state of affairs, supply empathy and assist the kid mirror on and study new methods. Use with related youngsters to answer rule-breaking, disregarding routines, tattling, and different everyday conflicts.
  • Logical: Are prearranged by adults and encourage youngsters to use expertise they have already got. The formulation is: “You can choose to ______ (positive action) and ___________ (positive consequence), OR you can choose to ________(negative action) and __________(negative consequence), so everyone is safe, including you.” Logical consequences have to be related, respectful, affordable, and delivered with empathy.
  • Drawback-Fixing: Encourage youngsters to turn into part of the answer by means of using shared power. That is sometimes practiced by means of class meetings or the Conflict Decision Time Machine. Use for persistent issues or issues that involve the entire class.

Learn Half Two of this collection for an in-depth information on when and easy methods to use the three varieties of penalties effectively, and read on for some practical examples.

What should I do when the child has an outburst after I ship a consequence?

Some of the troublesome elements of giving a consequence is handling the backlash of a child’s response. If we say the consequence of a hurtful motion is working at a table alone, probably the most troublesome half typically happens when it is time for the child to move to the assigned desk.

The kid’s response could possibly be a verbal or physical outburst as the youngster makes an attempt in charge us for the feelings effervescent within. (In Conscious Discipline, we frequently use the seashore ball metaphor—on this case, the child is throwing his or her ball back at us. For the consequence to be efficient, we should be sure that the kid is holding his or her own ball.) Gently return ownership by following consequences with empathy as an alternative of lectures, admonishment, or punishment.

This removes the excuse that we are choosing on the kid, don’t just like the baby, and so on. Now, the child must take private duty and mirror on the results of his or her actions, making the consequence efficient.

Common Discipline Scenarios with Conscious Discipline Penalties

The scripts under will present you tips on how to deal with widespread discipline situations utilizing the language and expertise of Conscious Discipline. Be happy to customize the supply in a method that sounds pure to you, however make sure that your message and intention remain the identical.

State of affairs 1: Youngster forgets homework

Consequence Sort: Natural consequence

What to Do:

Scholar: I did my homework. I just forgot to convey it in. I can deliver it in tomorrow.

Instructor: Homework was due immediately and it won’t be accepted tomorrow.

Scholar: That’s crap! I hate you. I did it. This isn’t truthful.

Instructor: You seem annoyed. It’s disappointing to spend time doing all of your homework and not get the credit score. Take a couple of deep breaths. Settle down and let’s work together on a plan to ensure you deliver it on time sooner or later.

State of affairs 2: Tattling

Consequence Sort: Natural consequence (The pure consequence of tattling is assertiveness training.)

What to Do:

Youngster: Liam is just not cleansing up!

Grownup: Are you telling me to be useful or hurtful?

Youngster: Hurtful.

Grownup: What might you do that may be useful?

Youngster: I don’t know.

Grownup: You possibly can say, “Liam, would you like some help cleaning up?”

Alternatively, the child may say that they are telling you to be useful. In that case, respond:

Grownup: How is telling me about Liam being helpful to Liam?

Baby: He is supposed to wash up. All of us have to wash up!

Adult: So, you need Liam to achieve success in our Faculty Household and comply with our agreements? How might you assist him keep in mind to wash up?

Youngster: I don’t know.

Grownup: You might say, “Liam, would you like some help cleaning up?”

NOTE: This tattling state of affairs is an example of revenge tattling. Intrusion tattling and security tattling require totally different responses. Read Half Two of this collection for an evidence of each tattling sort and learn how to handle them.

State of affairs three: Youngster hitting or poking others

Consequence Sort: Logical consequence

What to Do:

Grownup: Jessica, you might have a selection. You’ll be able to choose to build with your folks and play together for the remainder of middle time, or you possibly can select to hit your folks and play by yourself at the desk, so everyone seems to be protected, including you. Jessica, tell me what is going to happen in the event you hit your folks again so I know you understand.

Jessica repeats the consequence and the grownup checks for readability. Jessica chooses the constructive various for the remainder of middle time.

Grownup: You probably did it! You are able to do this!

State of affairs four: Youngster grabbing/snatching as an alternative of asking for a flip

Consequence Sort: Logical consequence

What to Do:

Grownup: Max, you might have a selection. You’ll be able to say, “May I have a turn?” whenever you want an item your pal has and proceed working in your small group, or you’ll be able to grab once more, and you will work alone on this chair for the rest of the day so both you and your folks are protected. Max, tell me what is going to happen when you seize from your folks again so I do know you understand.

Max repeats the consequence and the grownup checks for readability. As quickly because the grownup turns her back, Max grabs again.

Adult: Max, I can see by your actions that you’ve chosen to take a seat at this desk (level at location) and work alone. Decide up your papers and move to the desk.

Max: I gained’t do it once more! I promise. He grabbed it first! I was simply getting it back. Give me another probability, please! I’ll be good!

Grownup: You seem dissatisfied. You have been hoping you might stay with your mates and work collectively. You’ll have one other probability tomorrow. Breathe with me. You’re protected. Decide up your papers. You’ll be able to handle this!

State of affairs 5: Baby turns in task with many errors

Consequence Sort: Pure consequence

What to Do:

Instructor: You might have a selection. You possibly can choose to right your errors and enhance your grade, or you possibly can choose to turn the task in as it is and receive an F. It’s up to you.

If the scholar chooses to right errors, supply help and encouragement. If the scholar refuses to right the errors, say, “I can tell by your actions you’re choosing to receive an F.” Supply empathy and recommend that you simply and the scholar make a plan to avoid the same prevalence sooner or later.

State of affairs 6: Dangerous report card/ “I don’t care”

Consequence Sort: Pure consequence

What to Do:

Adult: How is this report card for you?

Baby: I don’t care. I hate faculty.

Adult: So, the D’s don’t hassle you in any respect?

Youngster: No, I don’t care about them or the C’s or the B.

Adult: You seem hopeless and indignant. You need faculty and perhaps other issues to only go away? (Baby pauses and raises eyebrows, indicating to the adult that she has his consideration.) With D’s in your report card, you’ll be suspended from the soccer group till you convey them up. Keep in mind your agreement with the coach?

Baby: I don’t care.

Grownup: It’s arduous to really feel hopeless. Nothing feels like it really issues. (Grownup breathes deeply and thinks of something that basically matters to the kid.) Isn’t your greatest pal who moved to a different faculty on the soccer staff? It seems it will be arduous not to see him anymore. (Youngster appears up, makes eye contact, and appears shocked to hear this.)

Youngster: Properly, perhaps, but you can take me to see him.

Adult: Perhaps, or you possibly can work with me to get those grades up and then you’ll undoubtedly see him every week. You then can be in charge.

Youngster: Okay. (Baby rolls eyes and walks away.)

State of affairs 7: Youngsters persevering with with hurtful conduct/not listening to classmate’s BIG Voices

Consequence Sort: Drawback-solving

What to Do:

Comply with the PEACE process:

  • Drawback and influence are said
  • Encourage the youngsters to personal their a part of the issue
  • Affirm the problem, restating it when it comes to what you need to occur
  • Gather options and come to a consensus
  • Consider the effectiveness of the initial plan

State Drawback and impression: I’ve observed that when youngsters use their BIG Voices, some pals are usually not listening and continue with hurtful conduct as an alternative. This can be a drawback for me as a result of my job is to keep the classroom protected, and I can’t do my job in case you are not prepared to pay attention to each other’s BIG Voices. The classroom becomes unsafe, and learning suffers.

Encourage the youngsters to personal the issue: Have any of you observed something comparable? For example, you may need stated, “I don’t like it when you bump me in line. Please walk carefully behind me,” and some youngsters proceed to bump you or say, “So what?” (Give specific examples that you’ve witnessed without mentioning names.)

Affirm the issue: So, the issue is remembering to pay attention to one another’s BIG Voices.

Acquire useful solutions: What would show you how to keep in mind to take heed to your folks’ BIG Voices? (Gather opinions and summarize solutions into widespread threads. Restate the widespread thread answer(s) into a brand new class settlement or rule. Position play tips on how to use the brand new talent.)

Evaluate to see if it’s working: How will we all know if our answer is working? (Create a approach to measure the success of your answer. Meet once more to examine on the plan, then rejoice success or do further problem-solving if wanted.)

Ultimate Thoughts

We hope that this three-part collection on Conscious Discipline consequences has been useful! Shifting our mindset about conduct, punishments, and consequences isn’t straightforward—however it’s all the time value it.

We will’t change a toddler’s conduct by punishing them for missing expertise they’ve never been taught. We will’t drive a disconnected baby to care using punishments or rewards. And we will’t train youngsters duty by demanding or threatening them into admitting their errors.

We train duty by creating the security and connection wanted for youngsters to take ownership, mirror, and take heed to the messages their feelings present about their impression on the world. Solely by means of this strategy can we give penalties that encourage youngsters to vary their conduct.

Spend money on the time and effort wanted to deliver impactful, lasting penalties, and you’ll spend money on the future of our youngsters and our society.